Twilight Berilo
by Shashasha
Summary: This is going to make you never want to read a fanfic ever ever again. Yeah. Please review. PLEASE! Even if it's flames :DI'll only post updates if I get reviews.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: **This is a joke. Ok? A joke. Don't take this seriously.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or anything having to do with it or mushroom ravioli or scrabble or docters or port angeles etc. M'kay?

CHAPTER ONE:

bella one Saturday lighting up morning and brightness were awake on  
"hi edward." it said to the Edward, reading impact of the  
sizes on its tilting chair bella of "hi was, which its Saturday  
goes to my house requires; "ok" the above-mentioned bella  
they went to the house of Edwards and Jaspis were there and it were  
the play, which is with win!" of "i scrabble; it really  
extremely and howls then dont" "no by Alice the U;  
additionally Alice read a magazine on aiee beside jaspis and then came  
the Rosalie into the space and displayed that to Edward and bella of  
"hi, which is except in very pretty." to the top side; emmett  
entered and displayed "guess, what in buff." Carlisle  
entered and displayed "guess, what docter." in; bella and  
scrabble, which through Edward with jaspis and the Alice and the  
Rosalie and the remainder went cullens and then it was played, in  
communication angeles to sit down and bella ate Pilzravioli. "yum  
it said" isnt humans of the food of "ewwwww as well as a  
attractionable grizzly bear; ur therefore funny." from Edward of  
"lol; the above-mentioned bella with its/it friend of Vampire.

CHAPTER TWO:

the next day was sunday and they played pictionary at the cullens house and then it was monday.

"omg edward i dont wanna go 2 school." said an irritataed bella.

"but bella if u dont ull never go to harvard like me.: said edward.

they went to school and to their surprise an old man was standing in the hallway.

"omg. he shouted i like cheese."

bella loled and edward rolled down the hallway and outside of the school.

"omgedward r u ok?"

edward started 2 cry and said he wasnt.

"omg i get carlilsle."

"no bella dats not nesisary. u dont need 2."

"but edward u rolled!"

sudenly edward truned into a rapper and he started rapin and bella satrd 2 cry because she doesnt like mrap.

"wedward it burns my ears."

"tuff!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!' SHOUTS edward real loud and alice cames out.

"omg whats goin down out here?"

bella cryd and alice did 2 because she gets emoshunal and nthinks lik dis.


	2. Truly Stern Shipping Over 75 Dollars

CHAPTER THREE

"edwrad! Y r u doin dis? U hate rap just as much as the next guy ! »

Alice shouted.

"roar! Grrrrrr! Im not Edward iom victioria!!!"

OMG shouted bella and alice.

Victoria lunged forward

"om gonna eat u bella!"

CHAPTER FOUR:

Bella gilde and awoken. Edward! You are o.k.! "you must've had a nightmare, Bella." They tended. It was terrible! Victoria had rolled you... was there old people... who... obliged of cheese... you outside rolled and... were quicker. she went in sleep reverse. Edward decided really rapidly to house to return to see its family. Bella could wait.

"Esme! Carlisle! Jasper! Fry mah hide! Emmett! Fry mah hide! Rosalie! Alice!" Shouted Edward, cuss it all t' tarnation. They all scooted outside. "Whut in tarnation is it, Edward?" Asked Rosalie. "Nothin'. ah jest wanted t'say howdy-doo." They all groaned an' went back inside, leavin' Edward laughin'. Alice came back outside af'er a few minutes. "ah dropped mah magazine." She went back inside t'play Scrabble wif Jasper an' Esme. Edward kicked a rock. Shet mah mouth!

CHAPTER FIVE:

... ,,, yuou suck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND wITH AN 'S ThAT MAKES IT PROBEMS. ' SShouted Jasper... 'I WIMN!!!!!!!!!!!111 ql1c3 gRitte dhar t3eth.. LOLOLOLOLOOOL she l0ved jaspar but he 4lw4yz braGgde about winning 1n scrbble she stood up and wa7ked oer to teh computer, decidign to hax0r som3thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward was back at Bella's.

"Hey Bella, want some bourbon?"

"No way! That's a hillbilly drink!" Bella said as she adjusted her overalls and finished tuning her banjo.

"Fine. Geez. I was just trying to be nice."

"Well stop trying! I've had it up to here with you and your velvet voice and topaz eyes and yeah. So go away!"

**Authors Note: **Are Bella and Edward breaking up? Why don't you REVIEW so I'll update and we can all find out!


	3. Part three of the dawn of Beryl underst

CHAPTER 6:

Edwar gaspd.

"omg bela u don't rely men dat do u?????!1//1/!?!?1/1/1"

Bela nodded. Eduardo began to cry.

"omg I suddenly becam Spanish!11!!!" he screams to the hevens.

"lolololololololol" sed a hapy bela.

Eduardo ate a torTa; and werelized he missed belle so much dat it hurt.

"omg I go bacjk and mak it up 2 her." Said a hap Eduardo.

CHAPTER 7:

"Eduardo, because you he are here?" Before de Eduardo, the  
grippato that did not answer the pretty one simply and to the covers  
does not have taste of any in the morning "Oh! Eduardo!" It  
polished the smile and, love I of "I the one ' of the distant m.  
moved absentee transmitted - lheo Eduardo!" sadly; It was sense  
without the care in breakdancing. "Bella, that?" of the felt;

CHAPTER 8:

Out fum behind Bella's rockin' chair emerged... Victo'ia (she ain't wasted. Coo'???! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on!) "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU. YOU SOAB! Right on!" Bella gasped. Eduardo gasped. "I duzn't wanna be Spanish no mo'! Right on!" He whimpuh'ed, and became French. Lop some boogie. "Victo'ia vhy is you 'ere?" Edvard ax'ed. "Towaste Bella! Right on!" Victo'ia lunged at Bella. WORD! But she wuz no match fo' Edvard, who wuz French. Lop some boogie!


	4. chapters 9 thorug h1 1oft wilight berilo

CHAPTER 9:

"omg edvard! U killed Victoria!:

Shoputed bela loudly.

"yes I did. Mon amie. J'adore toi."

"omg idk efn what ur sayin!11" loled bella.

Sudenly, Charlie kam thru da door.

"whats with all da ruckis in 'ere?" he whimpred

"NOTHING dad" shouted bella

"sry mr. swan sir. Ill leave." Edvard said, disgyrnutled.

"hold up, hold up. Edvard. Y were u in my dotters room? Bella ur gronded 4ever!11!1!!!!1!!!111!1"

"omg!" whispered bella.

"but sir! Im French!" edvard pleaded.

Charlie laughed.

"oy, ur French? Im so sory!11!1 plz 4give me. I had no idea.!11!1!"

He left.

CHAPTER 10:

"Wake up, Bella!"

Shouted Edvard, as he opened the window shades.

"Ugh. What time is it?"

"TIME TO GET FUNKY!" Shouted Alice as she ran into the room. She was wearing an old fashioned ball gown with a wedding veil and goth boots. Her face was painted blue.

Bella turned to Edvard to ask what was wrong with Alice.

Then she realized, Edvard was wearing neon green overalls over a brown corduroy shirt. On his head was a hat made out of millions upon millions of empty tape dispensers.

"What...?"

Bella tried to come up with a word to describe how she felt.

Then she looked down at herself.

She was wearing a black bikini top over a tweed jacket. For pants she had on a pair of bright red yoga pants which had a big piece of plastic wrap around it like a skirt. On her head was a baseball cap.

"Um. Okay." 

CHAPTER 11:

Bella woke down screamin'. "Bells, whuts wrong?" ax'ed some wo'ried Edvard. "I had some ho'rible dream. WORD! We all wuz wearin' random clodes." "Shhhhh. Lop some boogie. It's coo', Bella. WORD! Go back t'sleep. Jes hang loose, brud." She nodded but befo'e she could sleep, they heard footsteps outside…

WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN? REVIEW FOR UPDATES!


	5. Chapters 12 through 15

CHAPTER 12:

It wuz da volturi!111111!!111!!

Jane kam in!1!

"omg!11111! we heard datr vikitora wuz 'ere111!11111111111!!11! ond lololololol bela ur supposed 2 be a vampire by nowq11111111!!11"

Edvard stood up!

"omg! Jane we r getin married dis comin ogist 13th!1!!!!! don't u c bela's ring?1!1

Bela den proseded 2 sho jane her ring!!

Den aro and caius and dat other guy kam in!1!!!!!!1! lolololo0lol I 4got his nam n im 2 laZ to luk it up!!!!!!111!!1

"omg! Whats goin down in ere??1/!/1"

Sed an un hapy aro. For his gf, giana, had broken up wit him!11!!!!!11 omg! So he drank her blood!1!!!!

"ur crazy lil gal her is tring to kil us!1!!!!! lolololo" shouts edvard

Suddenly aro gets rel mad

"omg1!!!!! Edvard ur French!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!1!"

Den he bekam Chinese!11!!!1

Edchang! N he knew karat!1!!!!!!

He hiyaed all da volturi and dey wen bak 2 italy!!!!!!!!

"omg bela ware were we??/?/???"

Edchang n bella made out but den………………………….. charly vcame in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!  
"omg!"

CHAPTER !# (13):

Charlie gaped at whut he sar. Th' room was a mess, an' on th' bed was Edchang an' Bella, makin' out! Fry mah hide! Charlie feebly took out his gun, as enny fool kin plainly see. "Don't move!" He shouted t'Edchang an' Bella, who had halted said makin' out. "Paw. Yer sech a DORK." Charlie fell back at his dotter's harsh wo'ds. He bust into tears an' scooted to La Push.

CHAPTER 14:

"Billy! Billy!"

Charlie pounded on Billy's door, sobbing.

"C-charlie?"

Jacob had answered said door and squinted at the sobbing Police Chief.

Charlie ignored the 6'7 werewolf and ran to Billy.

"BILLY!"

"CHARLIE!"

The two embraced.

"Oh... Billy. Bella disobeyed me. And only you can make me whole again!"


	6. UR MOM READS THIS! 1518

AN: Thanks so much for the reviews! To thank you all (because I don't think just saying 'thank you' is enough) I've uploaded this super long chapter!

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 15:

"Shhhh, shhh my baby. It'll be alright."

Billy whispered into Charlie's ear, as he held him close.

He rocked the 40-something year old 'Police Chief' until Charlie fell asleep.

"JAKE!" Billy yelled.

"What is it, Pa?"

"Put Charlie in your old crib."

"But Pa, that's in the garage!"

Billy gave Jacob a stern look.

"Jake, if you don't get that crib I'm gonna give you a whuppin' and a half."

"FINE! I'LL DO IT BECAUSE I WANT TO BUT NOT BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TOO!"

Jacob stomped all 4 feet (he was a werewolf by now) and went to the garage, muttering something about his life being ruined.

While Billy waited, he found a box of grown-up diapers Rachel had used for a science experiment when she was 13.

Billy put one on Charlie and heated up a bottle for him.

Jake finally came back in, with the crib.

"Where should I put it, Pa?"

Billy thought for a moment.

"Put him in the twins' old room. It's not like they ever visit anymore and I sure as hell am never going in there, it smells like perfume and girlyness."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Dad, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. GIRLS DO NOT HAVE COOTIES!"

Billy raised an eyebrow at Jacob.

"Quick!"

He grabbed Jake's arm.

"Circle circle dot dot. Now you have a cootie shot!"

"Uggh. Grow up."

Just then, Charlie woke up.

"B-B-illy? Why am I in a diaper?"

"Look what you've done, Jacob, you've woken the baby."

Billy wheeled over to Charlie and scooped him up.

He took the bottle which he had stuck in his shirt pocket and gave it to Charlie.

"Billy, dammit, get that thing away from me. That stuff tastes awful!"

"Shhhhhhh…"

Billy tickled Charlie's tummy to get him to giggle and drink the baby formula.

"Woah… awkward!"

CHAPTER 16:

bells!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bella wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! edchang genTly shook bella OLOLOL... "uhh???????????????? muhahaha guh fuh!!!!!!!!!1 ' 'N0, HUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 CARLEI ISSTiLL AT KA PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 "iuh huh mu h\uh jhuh!??!?!?!? " edchang sighed and rEached Into bE7la'smouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 he pul7ed out a whole roadst chiX0re\ tehn 4 bicytcle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLO THEN A MERCEDES--BENZ ololololoolol TEHN A DIXCITONARY ten an accent... "what did you say, my Love??????????????????!!!!!????????? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO " asked 3dchang. LOLOLOLOLOLOOLOL.. 'i think lil fgo down t0 la push, to apologize to ch4rlei!!!!!!!!!!!!1 us uck... she left, aftar kissing edchang

CHAPTER 17:

"Charlie! Charlie!" Shouted Bella as she banged on th' Blacks's dore. Jacob opened th' dore an' pressed his finger t'her lips. "Be quiet, Bella, th' baby's asleep." "Whut in tarnation baby? Who had a baby? Did Rachel o' Rebecca come back? How come ah nevah heard they had a baby? Huh? Huh?" Jake sighed an' yanked Bella inside. To her ho'ro', thar was her 40 sumpin year old Pappy, in an adult diaper lyin' in a crib six packin' outta bottle. "Paw?" She walked on over. "Gah! Fry mah hide!" Charlie shrieked, an' giggled, cuss it all t' tarnation. "OH MY GOD! Fry mah hide! Whut in tarnation haf yo' done t'him? Paw, Paw, Paw, it's me, Bella, yer dotter! Fry mah hide!" Billy Joe raised an eyebrow at Bella. "Kids these days, babies havin' babies. Makes me sick. Shet mah mouth!" He wheeled away t'pour hisse'f a nice cold glass of CheezWhiz.

CHAPTER 18:

It worked enough with the relative car and has the grippato cellphone  
relative. It used 9-1-1. It took care of "Hello of the clients,  
like latta I, that is of assistence?" the "Um, is 1 way two  
in the effect of me found fol of the man, who looks like, the end to  
think about that my father is a boy; "Okay, we transmitted the  
swan, that rectifies away." here like leading to the cone of the  
writing; "But, is my father considers it. It cannot comes  
over." fol of the man of father?" of "The they;  
"NO! He is my better friend of the parents. My father is a  
director/conductor Swan!" of the cone of the writing; "Oh!  
Spendthrift that I come, present modernity then."

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE A CLIFFHANGER!

Review for more updates!

Love you guys! Mwa Mwa!


	7. Bella GETS pregnamtn

"omg edchang I fink im pregament!1!"

I sed to my rel hot bf namd edchang sed to me dat we had buigr problems lik da fakt dat bnily n jakub was in jale cus dey was krazy n my dad was in da asilim becas he gotted tramitzesed.

"edchang ur so meeeeeeean.'

Den I cried and edchang was dutch.

"omg bela he said my name is edingverb."

Omg I sed dats hot

"yah I no now r u relay pregnamt?/1/!"

Yah I totally is I sed to edingverb

9 mothes L8dr!11!!

Lololololol

"OMG! Fry mah hide! Edin'vahb! Fry mah hide! ah's a-gonna haf th' baby! Fry mah hide!" Edin'vahb picked me up (we were on couch, btw) "Omg! Fry mah hide! Edin'vahb! Fry mah hide! It hurts!" "shet up, Bella." He told Alice t'come. "ah knows whut th' junder is!" She mocked, cuss it all t' tarnation. "We doesn't pow'ful give a." Said Edin'vahb. Well bust mah britches an' call me streaker. Then Charlie an' ev'ryone else came in, as enny fool kin plainly see. "OHMYGOD! Fry mah hide! We heard was was gwine down! Fry mah hide!" Suddenly, th' baby was born an' raised! Fry mah hide! "It's a... GIRL! Fry mah hide!"

Edingverb begins to cry tears of blood (b/c he's a vamp.)

"OMg! Bella this is like, totally, the bestest day of my life!"

"I Know, RIGHT?"

Then the doctor LET me hold MY baby.

"What should we name her?"

I asked my flamin' hot VAMPIRE bf, Edingverb.

"Let's name her… Stephenie!"

"Laughing Out Loud, Edingverb, why _Stephenie?"_

"I DON't KNOW."

He said.

"I just LIKE it."

"What SHOULD HER middle NAME be?"

I asked Alice.

Alice THOUGHT.

"MEYER."

"OKAY her name IS Stephenie Meyer."

"I THINK I've heard that before… but I can't seem TO remember WHERE."

Mused ROSALIE.


	8. The End

20 Year Laters

"stephenie meyer wut r u doin?/;"

Bella sed 2 her dotter one brit n shin day

"I is ritin a story bout vamps." Saed stephenie meyer

"but vamps aintnt real" sed bela

THE END

AUTHORS NOTE: Yes, this was pitifully short. But I just wanted to finish it, I'm out of ideas for Twilight Berilo. I do have other fics, if you still want to read my stuff.

Thanks to everyone who got the joke and thought this was funny.

Everyone who thought this was for real, get a sense of humor. And some looser pants.

Thanks!

Myrtle Maneet


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